The Choice is Yours. What Drives Your Divorce – Your Emotions or Your Integrity?

I often hear parents tell me that they have no choice but to dig their heels in and fight in divorce because that is what their spouse is doing and if they don’t do that, they will “lose.”

I can appreciate the fear, anger, resentment and grief that drives this choice – fear you will lose your children, fear you will not have the resources you need to support yourself, anger about things that have happened in the marriage, resentment and grief that your life is changing and not unfolding as you planned or wanted

And yet, when these emotions drive our choices, we end up pushing agendas and proposals that we are convinced are in the best interest of our children but in fact very well may not be. When this happens, we are not making choices grounded in the principles and values that we want to embrace and model for our children.

So, how do you choose to embody and act from integrity and what is genuinely best for your children and yourself without doing harm to your spouse?

  1. You make a commitment to your personal growth and healing.
  2. You find a coach or therapist who can guide you on this journey and help you see where your emotions are getting in your way.
  3. You seek genuine feedback about whether your actions and choices are in alignment with your values, needs and goals.
  4. You choose to stand in a place of integrity and honesty regardless of how your spouse shows up and remain committed to supporting your children’s relationship with both parents.
  5. You do not react with haste, but slow down, take stock and explore how to respond in a way that is, in fact, in alignment with your deepest needs.

If you would support from me on this journey, please feel free to contact me by emailing me at

In service and support of your and your children’s well-being ~


Cat J. Zavis is an Attorney, Mediator, Child Advocate and Coach for Parents co-parenting their children after divorce. As a divorced mother of 2, she deeply understands the challenges, trauma and opportunities divorce provides. She has been practicing Nonviolent CommunicationSM, Mediation and Collaborative Law for 7 years. She conducts workshops and trainings in Nonviolent CommunicationSM for parents, lawyers, teachers, students, spiritual centers and professionals. In 2009, she was awarded a Peace Builder Award for her business. Her combination of personal experience and professional expertise give Cat a unique perspective and ability to help co parents learn to communicate effectively and powerfully to transform their relationships and interactions with their former after divorce so they and their children can thrive.

She can be reached at

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