That Magical Moment – The First Contact With Your Child

When you first connect with your child, whether that first moment is when your child is in utero, upon his/her birth, or when you first see or hold your child, there is really no other moment in the world like it. Words are inadequate to describe the feelings of awe and wonder, of love and adoration, of blessings and miracles. Parents talk about how they never knew their heart could love another so fully. From that precious miraculous moment forward, you are forever changed. You never sleep quite as soundly, you hear sirens differently than you did before, sounds of a crying child crack your heart open, AND, you wouldn’t trade it in for anything.

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With the birth of each of my two baby boys, I delighted in extreme awe of the blessed gift given to my husband and me. While I knew that each birth was a sacred moment that would forever change my life, I did not realize that at that moment of soulful connection, enveloped in love for my children, I spontaneously made a covenant with each of my boys and with myself. What I mean is, with complete ease and sincerity, I agreed to put their needs ahead of mine. I agreed to do all I could in my power to become the best person I could so they could have the greatest opportunity to embody the fullness of who they were meant to be on their life’s journey.



In that precious moment, among the things I committed to were to:

  • Hold their hearts with utmost tenderness and care
  • Keep them safe
  • Do my best to keep them healthy
  • Provide unconditional love and acceptance
  • Support their relationship with loved ones
  • Give them every opportunity possible
  • Help them to have personal integrity
  • Get out of the way so they could have their own life journey unencumbered by my fears, pains, sorrows and dreams

I call this agreement with my children a SACRED COVENANT. I am confident that most parents also make this covenant with their children.

The thing about the sacred covenant is that when you make it, in those first moments with your child, you are not aware you made it! It’s kind of sneaky that way. That’s because the covenant is one you are making not just with your child, or not even really with your child. The covenant is one you are making with yourself. Your higher self, your soul, your inner God or Goddess, your spirit, your light (whatever you want to call it), in that moment, is speaking to you through your heart and body and calling you to your highest self – to put aside your ego and live life from a place of deep integrity, deep love, deep spiritual resonance.

Divorce is one of those instances when the sacred covenant we make with our children and ourselves is both called to our attention and deeply challenged. For example, I am confident when your child was first born you did not think to yourself, “when your mom or dad and I get divorced, I’m going to be sure I have more time with you than s/he does”. No, instead all you wanted was for both of you to have a joyful, meaningful, rich relationship with your child (and each other) – you envisioned a family. The thought of counting how many hours, days, or nights you had with your child was the farthest thing from your mind (unless, like me, your children did not sleep and then any break was certainly welcome!).

While a divorce undermines the relationship between parents, it does not have to undermine parents’ relationships with their children. Not only CAN you maintain your commitment to support your child’s relationship with his/her other parent during and after divorce but also it is your duty to do so. It is your duty to do so because that is the covenant you made with your child and with yourself. During divorce and beyond, you will be given one opportunity after another to choose between your ego, your hurt, angry, fearful self and your deeper soulful self.

When we are caught in our emotions, it becomes extremely difficult to remember the covenant we made. That is why one of the aspects of the covenant I made with my children is that I commit to ensuring that I get out of their way and do not allow my pains, hurts, fears, desire for revenge, and even my dreams to interfere with their soul’s journey. And part of their soul’s journey is to give them the space and support they need to have a healthy relationship with both of their parents.

So the question becomes, how, in those moments of pain and sorrow, of agony and anger, do I remember to draw on my higher self – the one that made that covenant with my child and me when he was born?

Take a moment right now, stand up and close your eyes. Picture the first time you held, saw or touched your child(ren). Allow yourself to really feel into that moment again as if you are reliving it now. Feel your feet touching the floor and feel yourself grounded in the earth. Breathe in and as you remember back to that sacred, blessed moment, ask yourself, “what is the covenant you made with your child(ren) and yourself?”. Be specific. When you first saw or touched your child, what did you see in your child’s eyes? What did you feel in your heart? How did you promise (even though you may not have known it at the time) to honor, protect and love your child? Allow those promises to fill your body and your heart so you can access them anytime you need. Breathe them in and feel yourself deeply grounded in the earth, knowing it is supporting you.

Now open your eyes and just let those promises sink in and then write them down in your journal or someplace you won’t lose them so you can return to them again and again so that when you are struggling with your former you are able to draw on these promises, on this sacred covenant, and know that even though you are in pain, you know and trust you are doing all you can to uphold that sacred commitment you made both to your child and yourself. Allow these commitments to guide your decisions, to provide sustenance to you when you are in agony and grief, to hold you as you hold your child. When the going gets tough and it is hard for you to act in integrity, remember the covenant you made with yourself and your child(ren) and let that help guide you to the right response.

In Support ~

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