Stop Losing Your Temper and Start WINning Instead!!

Ever feel like this . . .?

Image: Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot /

So upset you can barely control your temper?

You know that exploding will not be helpful, but you can’t seem to stop yourself?

Here’s a tool you can use to stop losing your temper and start winning instead.

By winning I do not mean winning the argument – sorry!

What I do mean is implementing a few simple practices to stop losing your temper . . . and when you control your temper – you WIN!

WIN stands for Witnessing and Naming your Experience (I guess I could call it WINE but I like the acronym of WIN better!)

Here’s what you do.

Step 1:

Draw a stick figure on a piece of paper.

Step 2:

Below the stick figure draw a horizontal like this:


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Step 3:

Write down something your Ex (or anyone) says or does that triggers you (i.e., something that pushes your buttons or that you have a big reaction to.) For example, maybe your former spouse tells you “the kids are always filthy when you drop them off at my house” or “you are always late to pick them up.” Get the idea?

Step 4:

Say out loud what you wrote down that triggers you.

Step 5:

Circle or mark on the scale how triggered or upset you are, 1 being not upset at all and 10 being extremely upset.

Step 6:

Witness what is happening in your body. Do a body scan beginning at your head and become aware of what is physically happening in your body from your head to your toes.

Step 7:

Mark on your stick figure where you feel tension and stress in your body.

Step 8:

Name what is happening in your body. As you scan your body, name what you are feeling. For example, the front of my head is tight and tense. My jaw is clenched. My heart is racing.

Continue to move down your body and witness and name what is happening.

Step 9:

When you have completed your body scan, take note of the tension level in your body and mark that on your scale of 1-10.

Step 10:

Please share your experience with me.

More tomorrow on why this is important to do and how it helps you to stop losing your temper. Stay tuned. . .

Cat J. Zavis is an Attorney, Mediator and Coach for Divorced and Divorcing Parents. She has conducted workshops and trainings in Nonviolent CommunicationSM for hundreds of parents, lawyers, teachers, students, spiritual centers and professionals. In 2009, she was awarded a Peace Builder Award for her business. Her passion is helping parents learn how to communicate and work with their former partner or spouse so they and their children can not just survive divorce, but thrive.

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