It’s All a Matter of Perspective . . .

WHAT do you see in this picture? A young woman, an old woman, nothing . . .?

Depending on how you look at this photo, you may see an old woman, a young woman or maybe you can’t make out either. Perhaps it is easy for you to go back and forth between the two of them and when you do that you realize how your perspective can change simply depending on where you are standing, the angle at which you look at the picture, whether you are looking with both eyes open or only one eye, etc. Do you have glasses or contacts on?

When you look at this picture with someone else and she sees one thing and you see another, do you become curious and inquisitive? Do you turn the picture around or tilt your head differently? Do you stand where he is standing and try to see it from his perspective so you can see what he is seeing? Maybe you ask to borrow her glasses so you can see it from her perspective.

Or do you begin to argue that you are right and he is wrong?

When we look at this picture, we can begin to realize that what we see and how we view something has much more to do with a matter of perspective than it does with what is really there or not there.

Here’s my invitation, when you and your former are disagreeing over who is right and who is wrong, turn the picture around, view it from the other person’s perspective, become CURIOUS, ask questions about how she sees it that way.

Can you see what he sees?

When you can do this, you can begin to uncover the commonalities and shared visions you have (i.e., dark places and light places, curves and straight lines) and you can then build agreements from there.

As always, I LOVE your comments, PLEASE share your thoughts below.

In service ~

Cat J. Zavis is an Attorney, Mediator and Coach for Divorced and Divorcing Parents. As a divorced mother of 2, she deeply understands the challenges, trauma and opportunities divorce provides. She has been practicing Nonviolent Communication, Mediation and Collaborative Law for 7 years. She has conducted workshops and trainings in Nonviolent Communication for hundreds of parents, lawyers, teachers, students, spiritual centers and professionals. In 2009, she was awarded a Peace Builder Award for her business. She has taught at universities in Western Washington on diverse topics such as Women and the Law, Constitutional Law, and Communication. Her combination of personal experience and professional expertise give Cat a unique perspective and ability to help clients learn to communicate effectively and powerfully to transform their relationships and interactions with their former partner or spouse so they and their children can thrive.


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