Enemy – NOT ME

I readily admit conjuring up an enemy image is far easier than creating a connection with someone, especially when I have zero attraction to that person or if I am struggling to overcome an enemy image based on our currently raw conflicts and disagreements. So how might one do this?

Grame Weatherston/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Grame Weatherston/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The root meaning of the word enemy is “not friendly”. “En” which is derived from “in” means not. So I like to think of the word as meaning “not me.” Just take a minute and try that on.

Think of someone that you hold as an enemy (i.e., someone you have strong negative feelings and judgments about) and then instead of thinking of them with that quality of judgment, think of them as someone who is simply not you. Now how are you feeling? I notice when I think of the other person as simply someone who is NOT ME my entire energy shifts. I let go of expectations; I let go of attachment. The fact that they see the situation different than I do begins to make sense to me. Of course they do, they are not me. It doesn’t mean they are bad or evil or an enemy, it simply means, they see the world and situation differently than I do.

Once I am in that place, then I can begin to explore, how do they see the situation and the world? How can I communicate with them in a way that makes it more likely they can look at the world from my perspective? How can I demonstrate that I can see the world from their perspective? And, what are possible solutions that work for both of us?

In Support ~

Signature for Cat J. Zavis, Coach for divorced parents




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CatProfileCat J. Zavis is an Attorney, Mediator, Child Advocate and Coach for Parents co-parenting their children after divorce. As a divorced mother of 2, she deeply understands the challenges, trauma and opportunities divorce provides. She has been practicing Nonviolent CommunicationSM, Mediation and Collaborative Law for 7 years. She conducts workshops and trainings in Nonviolent CommunicationSM for parents, lawyers, teachers, students, spiritual centers and professionals. In 2009, she was awarded a Peace Builder Award for her business. Her combination of personal experience and professional expertise give Cat a unique perspective and ability to help co parents learn to communicate effectively and powerfully to transform their relationships and interactions with their former after divorce so they and their children can thrive.

Cat can be reached at clientcare@parentingwithyourex.com

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