So Your Child’s Upset with Your Former . . . Now What?

I often hear from parents that they don’t know what to do when their child comes home from the other parent’s house complaining about the other parent.  It is so hard to know how to respond so that you are supporting your child and not putting … [Read more...]

Creating Change – Express YOUR NEEDS

In my work I often help clients figure out how to tell their spouse or former spouse why they are so upset and what they want. And yet often when I begin to explore what they really want, all they focus on is what they don’t want, what they are so … [Read more...]

Needs . . . What’s All the Fuss About?

I help parents explore and understand their needs so that they can transform their families in a way that best serves their needs – as individuals and as a family. Helping parents understand the multiple needs of family members helps them create a … [Read more...]

Go Ahead and Blame – Just Don’t Count On Healing And Moving On If You Do!

Okay, so your Ex just really pissed you off and it is all you can do to keep yourself from jumping in your car, screeching up in front of her house, stomping to the door and screaming in her face when she opens the door. Grrrr…how could she do that … [Read more...]

Why Blaming Doesn’t Work

When we are upset because something is not going the way we want we often look to blame someone or something (including ourselves). Placing blame allows us to escape from the pain and discomfort of the situation and puts our attention and directs … [Read more...]

Enemy – NOT ME

I readily admit conjuring up an enemy image is far easier than creating a connection with someone, especially when I have zero attraction to that person or if I am struggling to overcome an enemy image based on our currently raw conflicts and … [Read more...]

Enemies – The Wall of Separation

I first learned the term “enemy image” in my NVC trainings from Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication. I have heard it used many times by NVC trainers and others since. I hold an enemy image as any judgment I hold about others … [Read more...]

Letting Go – The Reality of Divorce . . . and Life

Perhaps it will seem strange at first for me to say this, but putting your child’s needs before your own after divorce includes letting go. When I talk about letting go, I’m not referring to letting go of the love and bond you have with your child or … [Read more...]

That Magical Moment – The First Contact With Your Child

When you first connect with your child, whether that first moment is when your child is in utero, upon his/her birth, or when you first see or hold your child, there is really no other moment in the world like it. Words are inadequate to describe the … [Read more...]

What Empathy is NOT!

I think I can safely say that most people are much more familiar expressing themselves in conversation with others in ways that are NOT empathy than in ways that are empathic. The sad thing about this is that because we are not skilled in giving and … [Read more...]