Be Supportive Without Micromanaging

Have you wondered how you could be committed to supporting your child’s relationship with your Ex without taking a “hands-on” kind of responsibility? Actually, there is a way to support your child’s relationship with your Ex without micromanaging it. That is if you are willing to let go of the small stuff that is no longer yours to manage and instead encourage your child to advocate for him/herself with the other parent.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici /

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici /

As I shared in an earlier blog, when we remember our sacred covenant with our children we can find the inner resources and strength of our resolve to put our child’s needs before our own. That covenant you made with your child was your deepest vow, and, quite frankly, it was a vow you made with yourself. You committed to become the best person possible so your child could blossom and become all h/she could be.

Often when we try to micromanage our child’s relationship with our former, we do so out of fear or jealously. Sometimes we are genuinely concerned about the well being of our child and sometimes we are just afraid that the other parent will not do as good of a job. Other times we may be jealous about the quality of the other parent’s relationship with our child and concerned about the quality of our relationship. In order to overcome these emotions, it can be helpful to remember

the sacred covenant you made with your child when she was born and to practicing some self-compassion and self-empathy. Through these practices you’ll discover that your outlook and actions will reset to match your deepest commitments.

The path of healing is paved with compassion; the path of self-growth and transformation is paved with self-empathy. When we find it challenging to support our child’s relationship with our Ex without also attempting to micromanage it, we need to be empathic with ourselves and look at our choices and circumstances with a genuine desire to know and understand ourselves better. This allows us to discover how to create changes in our lives so that we can create the life we want for ourselves and for our children. In the process of self-empathy, we may say to ourselves, “I am so curious why I did that, what was my underlying intention?” Honest and helpful answers reveal themselves when we invite them without judgment.


In support and service ~

Signature for Cat J. Zavis, Coach for divorced parents




CatProfileCat J. Zavis is an Attorney, Mediator, Child Advocate and Coach for Parents co-parenting their children after divorce. As a divorced mother of 2, she deeply understands the challenges, trauma and opportunities divorce provides. She has been practicing Nonviolent CommunicationSM, Mediation and Collaborative Law for 7 years. She conducts workshops and trainings in Nonviolent CommunicationSM for parents, lawyers, teachers, students, spiritual centers and professionals. In 2009, she was awarded a Peace Builder Award for her business. Her combination of personal experience and professional expertise give Cat a unique perspective and ability to help co parents learn to communicate effectively and powerfully to transform their relationships and interactions with their former after divorce so they and their children can thrive.

Cat can be reached at

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